caught in the eye

It's all a whirlwind now, full-on cacophony of worries, fears, work, chores, traffic, weird dreams, hormones, alien-belly-movement, swollen-self and a dash of over-analyzing angst thrown in.

I'm so scared of what might be.

And what on earth was I thinking in not lying about my due date? What did that serve me, other than having to work up to basically the last minute? Dang, if I had just fudged a bit, I could have been focusing more energy on long walks with my little boy (or swims!) and less on the nuts and bolts of my boss taking parts of my job. Silly reports that beg to be written. Stuff like that that doesn't mean all that much to me in the full-frontal of everything else.

Moxie still doesn't have a middle name. This really bothers me. My professor didn't get back to me and I am shy about harassing him. This leaves me with choices:

Rian - "magical" according to one baby book but "little king" according to other sources. Former is great; latter, not so much

Eleanor: "shining light"

Samara: "protected by God"

Kealoha: "the loved one"

Kaleiokalani: "child of heaven"

Hi'i'lani: "held in the arms of heaven"

'Alohilani: "heavenly brightness"

Eirian: "bright, beautiful"

Ziazan: "rainbow"

Ixchel: "rainbow"

That's all I have now in the way of names. I should probably stick with Ziazan because she's been a rainbow little girl to me all the while. I just wish I could put in something else related to brightness and being protected by God. But we haven't gotten the Vietnamese parts down - maybe they can either capture Rainbow or the other pieces?

I hope so.

Deep breath.

This too shall pass.