a doula-do

It struck me all of the sudden that Mikey and I are like newborn babes in this whole area of childbirth. Yes, I've had a child - but since it was a scheduled c-section (breech), I know nothing but nothing of labour. The stages. What to expect. Nada!

All I do know is that everyone in my world that's had a baby in the past three years had an emergency c-section. Except for Stefanie, who was also the only one who brought a doula in with her. Every*one else had an emergency c-section. That's quite a lot of people actually, and is definitely worrisome to me, me who is only slightly terrified of having another c-section and having to face that hideous recovery. Shudder.

I waddled over to my trusty local library and took out lots of books on childbirth: The Birth Book (by Sears), Ina May's Guide to Childbirth (Ina May Gaskin), Your Best Birth (by Ricki Lake and her friend) and yes, Birthing From Within (Pam Horowitz). Thanks to rampant insomnia, I'm almost done with all of them.

It makes me so sad that the whole birth experience has boiled down to this fight... you know, getting rid of these interventions that tend to do more harm than good. Getting an advocate for yourself. And at the same time, I'm rolling up my sleeves to prepare for said fight. I just don't want to put my baby through a lot of drugs, I don't want to put myself through a long, rough recovery. I want - no, make that need - to be able to walk after birth. I must be able to walk. I need to be able to watch and care for Micah on my leave as well as Moxie. That is definitely not going to happen if I have another c-section.

I'm thinking I need to get a doula. No, we can't really afford one, but then, can I really afford to be so struck with another major surgery?