birth touring

When we went to the Oakland hospital for Micah's birth tour, there was a lesbian couple also touring. They went at it with the questions - opened up their pre-written list and grilled the guide on each and every aspect of the birth experience. The bed. The room size. The birth ball. The bathroom... you name it, they covered it.

Since finding out that the perinatalists from hell might "help out" in Moxie's birth (if she's born on a Monday, at the Oakland hospital), I've been pretty fixed on finding alternative spots. I just can't imagine much worse than seeing Walton (pictured) or Newton's heads between my legs as my precious girl enters this world. Uh uh. Nope. Not an option (although Mikey says that would be the ultimate irony: having the very doctor (s) that encouraged us to abort her, deliver her).

We've been touring the hospitals in our region - covered 2 others so far, still have one to go. In both of the tours, I've found that Mikey and I are becoming the lesbian couple that we toured with. While all the other (first timers) are basically standing and looking sluggishly happy, maybe asking a question or two (stuff like, 'can I bring my birth plan'!!!! I may be soooooo cynical now, but I'll bet bottom dollar those birth plans are a standing joke in the nurse/doctor stations; that's how little regard they gave to ours..). Then I start rolling and I don't stop. The tour guides get to where they say something then look at me and wait.

This last hospital we went to on Thursday was funny. A mother who was touring with her daughter seemed to think I was attacking the tour guide or something and got all defensive after I was asking about the nurse/patient ratio. The mother! She was all, 'I had 3 kids - including this one - at kaiser, and my experience was always wonderful'. I said that I'd had a kid already at kaiser too! And that I just wanted to know the ratio, I wasn't attacking them or anything.

It's so weird to me - such a bender - that if we ask a lot of questions, we're seen as antagonistic. You know? And what am I asking? I am only asking, like the lesbian couple was, about things related to the facility, to ratios and statistics. That's IT!! Because I won't be able to meet the person or the team that will actually be delivering my baby until the time comes. Because I won't be able to see the room that I'll birth in until the time comes. Because I might even have to give birth in the triage area if they are full. We know precious nothing about the things that really matter - and we can't know it because of the way the system is set. Yet if we ask about the little details that we can ask about, we're pushy.

I so sincerely hope that becomes as senseless to my grand kids as my own grandma's birth stories are to me - them both being knocked out and my parents being delivered via forceps.