deja'vu'ing

I am mostly driving to work again these days. Not good, but I do appreciate that it gets me places fast. Er. Faster.

I have a playlist that I tap into that usually puts me in a better mood, helps me channel my spiritual side, keeps me more connected to God and less inclined to froth at the mouth when someone stays a split second too long after a light has changed.

This morning I was listening to one of my old favorites, it's called "Dastam Bagir Abdu'l-Baha". It's a Baha'i song, and it always moves me. So, there I was, driving away and crying a little bit, listening and all the sudden, it reminded me of late April through June of this year. When my department was basically giving me and my program away like so much unwanted trash. A fully-funded, well-managed, goal-exceeding program. It deeply hurt and it took me my miscarriage to really get over - I remain convinced that the stress and deep hurt that I was going through at that period is what made my baby die. It was such deep hurt. I couldn't control it and I couldn't cocoon her from it.

I listened to "Dastam Bagir" a lot during that time to help me get through it all, and the thing is, I had no idea how wonderful a gift it all really was. My being passed on ultimately meant that I finally have my dream boss. I am free to do all that I'd like to do in a job. I am truly happy.

And did I ever suffer through the passing of it! The anguish! Oh my.

So it struck me funny: I wonder if this is going to look like that? That perhaps God gives us the best presents in the most difficult-to-unwrap packages?

Here's a video "Dastam Begir" (accompanied by a slideshow of Abdul'-Baha and his life):