to ultrasound or not...

Mikey and I talked for hours, HOURS about our big question: to ultrasound or not.

On one hand, we both want to see Rainbow again. She's so cute! It's so much fun to see her moving around and doing her thing! But then, we've already been through the wringer because of our loving to look at her.

If we go in tomorrow morning for our big in-depth 20-week ultrasound and we find something else to worry about, what's it going to help? I mean, really. We won't do anything invasive in-utero, so if she did have something wrong and if there was something we could do about it now... we wouldn't. And things change - why worry and stress out if we find something, when she's still growing?

So then we got to the flip side: what if everything is just amazing and good and it'll make us much happier? Well, then it goes to research. I googled "dangers of ultrasounds" and immediately waaaaay too much popped up. And it links to possible brain damage.

Our baby doesn't need anything more in the way of hindrances to her brain development. Even if it's just a chance. Why take it? We've already put her through enough.

We'll hold off on the ultrasounds AND the EKG till later, closer to birth. We DO want to to do the EKG in particular (that's where they specifically check out her heart), because if there are issues, we'd want to give birth at UCSF or a place that's set up for heart-care. But what's the point of doing it now? Like I said, she's still growing - if we saw a hole again now, or something else that was off, we couldn't do anything anyway and there is still a chance it could heal.

I told my boss today about Rainbow's amnio results... and he was just great. I *heart* him. He's got a kid with a disability, and just about made me cry when he was talking about how challenging/wonderful it is (okay, he DID make me cry, but I was able to hide it). Plus, he's hired only about a hundred people with Down's and advocated for job and equal access in his 40+ years on the President's Council in DC, so he knows a ton about what's possible. I felt so happy, so supported.

What an amazing guy.

Plus! He said that after maternity leave, I can come back half time if I want, no problem. Isn't that wonderful?!!